What Does Couples Therapy Actually Look Like?
One of the most common questions I hear from prospective couples is:
“What should we expect if we start couples therapy?”
Every therapist approaches couples work a little differently. While every relationship has its own unique microculture, I hope this offers a general roadmap of how I approach couples therapy.
At The Relational Space, I use an individualized approach. Rather than following one rigid framework, I draw from multiple evidence-informed approaches based on the unique strengths, goals, and concerns of the couple sitting in front of me.
I begin with a comprehensive assessment and continue reassessing throughout the therapeutic process, regularly checking in about what’s working, how therapy is feeling for each of you, and whether we need to adjust our approach as your relationship evolves.
My goal is to create a space that feels safe, collaborative, relatable, and deeply human while also remaining thoughtful, structured, and clinically grounded.
I welcome couples of all backgrounds, identities, relationship structures, sexual orientations, and gender identities. Everyone deserves a space where they feel respected, understood, and supported.
Sessions 1–2: Building the Foundation
We begin by slowing things down and getting to know one another.
During these sessions we’ll begin:
Building trust
Exploring your relationship history
Identifying strengths and areas of concern
Discussing your goals
Beginning to understand the patterns contributing to disconnection
Depending on your needs, I may also introduce practical tools early on. For couples experiencing high conflict or frequent escalation, we may spend time building skills to help slow conversations down, reduce reactivity, and create enough emotional safety to do deeper work together. You may also receive practice exercises to try between sessions.
This is also a great opportunity to ask any questions you may have.
Sessions 3–6: Individual Assessment Phase
Over the next four sessions, I meet individually with each partner twice.
These sessions allow me to develop a comprehensive understanding of each person’s unique story before we begin the deeper therapeutic work together.
Depending on your unique circumstances, these assessments may explore:
Attachment patterns
Developmental and relational trauma
Family of origin experiences
Communication styles
Personality and coping strategies
Previous relationship experiences
Strengths and protective factors
Neurodiversity and neurocomplexity (when clinically relevant)
Current life stressors
Additional assessments that feel appropriate based on your unique situation
My approach values nuance, context, and taking the time to understand who each person is—not simply applying a one-size-fits-all model.
A Quick Note About My Limited Secrets Policy
Because the couple is my client, I cannot ethically hold significant secrets that directly impact the relationship or the therapy process (such as ongoing affairs, abuse, or other major relational concerns).
My goal is to develop a strong therapeutic alliance with both partners—not to take sides or become aligned with one person over the other.
Holding major secrets would compromise trust within the therapeutic relationship and interfere with the work we’re trying to accomplish together.
Bringing Everything Together
Once the assessment process is complete, we rejoin the session as a couple and begin integrating everything we’ve learned.
With a deeper understanding of each partner’s attachment history, life experiences, strengths, vulnerabilities, and unique perspectives, we begin making sense of the relationship through a broader lens.
Looking Beneath the Conflict
Rather than focusing only on surface-level disagreements, we explore the deeper emotional experiences and patterns surrounding recurring conflict.
Together we begin understanding:
Attachment needs
Protective strategies
Emotional injuries and unresolved ruptures
Family of origin influences
The cycles or patterns the two of you become caught in together
Significant parts of ourselves that emerge in relationships
The deeper emotions and unmet needs that often exist beneath conflict
This foundation allows us to move beyond simply solving problems and toward understanding the cycle that’s keeping you stuck—creating new opportunities for connection, repair, and lasting change.
Treatment Moving Forward
From here, therapy becomes increasingly individualized.
I continually reassess and adapt treatment based on the couple sitting in front of me.
Rather than following one rigid framework, I integrate multiple approaches supported by research and tailored to the needs of the couple, including:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
The Gottman Method
Attachment science
Psychodynamic principles
Parts-informed interventions when clinically appropriate
Cognitive and behavioral strategies, communication tools, and practical exercises when they support your goals
Every couple is different, and therapy should reflect that.
How Long Does Couples Therapy Take?
There isn’t one answer.
Some couples experience significant improvement within 2–4 months and transition to bi-weekly sessions or a maintenance phase.
Others benefit from longer-term work to address recurring conflict, high emotional reactivity, complex relational trauma, affair recovery, divorce-related concerns, or other layers of complexity.
Continuing the Work
Throughout the process, we’ll continue slowing down, reassessing your progress, making sense of what’s happening between you, and building on the strengths you already have as a couple.
I’ll also regularly check in about how the process is feeling for each of you, what’s been helpful, and whether we need to adjust our approach to better meet your goals.
Change rarely happens all at once. It happens through small, meaningful moments of understanding, repair, and practicing new ways of relating.
Many couples continue with periodic maintenance sessions even after they’re doing well, simply because they value having a space to strengthen their relationship and build on the gains they’ve made.
Every relationship has its own unique microculture and story. Therapy should honor that.
The goal isn’t perfection—it’s helping you create a relationship that’s more resilient, connected, and capable of navigating life’s challenges together, where both partners feel safer, more understood, and better equipped to face whatever comes next.
